Readers: My friend Andree Swanson, aka A.J. Brower, works for the DEA and is an expert on military branches. I call upon her often to teach courses. In this case, I think social distancing and telecommuting may be getting to her. 🙂 What do you do when your job is to disseminate information (and do it quietly) but the media is busy? Please welcome A.J. Brower.
By Andree Swanson
Andree Swanson aka Author A.J. Brower
Good morning, Donnell’s friends!
Today we’re talking about working at home in pajamas with a glass of wine in your hand and your two-year-old helping type emails to executives. Well, at least that’s the meme version of teleworking!
Not me. I’m a morning person, can’t stand not having hair washed or sitting around without a bra. And I don’t have toddlers at home, though the cat does try to help with the typing on occasion. Now the wine…I might be guilty of that one, maybe about five p.m. at the end of a long week.
Is there anything but a long week for a teleworker? Weekdays and 
weekends just blend in together. I’m the public information officer for the Drug Enforcement Administration St. Louis Division. This division covers the states of Missouri and Kansas, as well as the southern part of Illinois.
Notice the words PUBLIC INFORMATION. For several million weeks now, the only thing the public wants information on is COVID-19. Let’s check my inbox for public inquiries.
Nope, still empty.
I came to the DEA in December last year, having been a part of the Defense Department for my entire life. DEA falls under the Department of Justice, along with our much more famous brethren in the FBI and ATF. We spend most of our time under the radar as it is. Throw in a pandemic and you would think that drug dealers are self-quarantining. (In case you were wondering, they aren’t.)
Generally, my job is to get the media interested in what we do in the DEA, set up interviews with our Special Agent in Charge – aka, the SAC – and tweet (@DEASTLOUISDiv).
But even media organizations have had to learn how to telework, and they sure don’t want to be sending reporters around and actually engage with people about subjects that don’t have the acronym COVID in them.
On top of it, our headquarters doesn’t want us going around saying what we are or aren’t doing during the epidemic. Understandably, we don’t need the drug dealers getting cocky because we told them we weren’t watching their street. (Or are we?)
I don’t have official stats, but I’m fairly certain that the guys we arrest aren’t social distancing or sanitizing their products. They might be fine with wearing face masks though.
That means I’m spending a lot of time writing stories for our internal news page about cases our special agents and task forces are investigating, but can’t go public yet. Mind you, I love writing, so that’s no chore.
But you know who sees this stuff? People who are so bored teleworking they have time to read the stuff on our internal home page, besides their pay stubs. Admittedly, there are probably more folks reading it now than ever before. But DEA only has about 10,000 employees. We are not talking USA Today bestsellers here, are we?
Twitter could be quite interesting, if I didn’t pretty much suck at it. I picked up ownership of this account in January. Owning the Twitter account of a federal government organization that does undercover work means that not only can I not have a sense a humor when I post, but I also can’t post any of the really cool stuff. I mean, seriously, we arrest drug traffickers.
Just look at their mug shots; these are not the sharpest marbles in the bag. The fun I could have if we were allowed to say what we really think of these morons…darn the lawyers in the U.S. Attorneys’ Offices!
Also, way cool pictures. Not the drugs. A package of drugs looks like every other package of drugs. So much stuff I can’t share, but I do have a couple of photos to include in this blog. One was taken by a reporter for a magazine article. It’s a posed shot of two DEA agents with the Special Agent in Charge. The female agent has an AR-15 slung on her back. Makes me want to write a female DEA agent…. Someday.
I’m learning a lot lately though, like the recent post of a picture of a kilo of fentanyl. That’s enough to make 50,000 counterfeit pills worth half a million on the street, and able to cause the same number of overdoses.
(Here’s some public information: it takes only the equivalent of two grains of salt to cause an overdose on fentanyl. Gosh, I feel so much better having publicly shared that tidbit!) But the photo was the wrong size, so when you look at the tweet, the image looks like dirt, because it is. You have to click on the photo to see the fentanyl. Also, it’s a package of drugs. Looks the same as cocaine, heroin or meth if dropped in a Ziploc bag and thrown on the ground. (I think the dealer spared no expense on the bag. It was blue, so that means it was a freezer bag, and everyone knows freezer bags are more expensive. These are things you notice when you’re teleworking. Not important things, just things.)
DEA dogs on loan on National Puppy Day
My best tweet was the one where I got to recognize our drug dogs on National Puppy Day, March 23. Our division doesn’t have its own drug dogs; we borrow both the dogs and their handlers through agreements with local police departments. You know if want to get the public’s attention, you need dogs or kids. We don’t do a lot with kids – we leave that to the FBI. But dogs, love them puppies. Check out the photo here. That’s Ellie, Blu and Ace, one dog from each state in our division.
Now that I am finished writing this blog, I will return to my telework. Unlike the entire world, we can’t use Zoom or anything that is simple to use or remotely helpful in communicating with coworkers. So, as we look at teleworking for another million weeks, I will be trying to figure out ways to call people so that I don’t talk too much to the cat or start a Twitter war with the FBI.
Stay safe, and watch out for those drug traffickers. They might be wearing masks.
Note from Donnell: Readers as a segue to Andree’s blog, and not included in orignial blog, she posted this on Twitter yesterday.
DEA Agents serving warrant during time of COVID-19
The mission of #DEA involves keeping dangerous and diverted drugs off our neighborhood streets. Keeping investigators safe when searcing for violent drug offenders during the COVID-19 pandemic is our top priority!
BIO: Andree Swanson, who sometimes goes by AJ Brower when she’s pretending to be a writer, is the Public Information Officer of the Drug Enforcement Administration St. Louis Division. She took the position in December 2019. Prior to that, she was the onsite operations contract manager for an Air Force mapping program. She retired from the Air Force Reserve in 2013, where she spent 28 years as a public affairs officer.
Thanks, A J, for sharing about your new job! And love the girl with the gun on her back picture.
LOL, Andree, it might be fun to start a Twitter war with the FBI! Thank you for being my guest. I enjoyed every word. Hopefully it’s not a million more weeks and a shorter duration before you can get back to work in the office! xoxo
Enjoyed the blog. Keep on posting and writing. Can’t get used to Andree so will stick with AJ! Miss my favorite KOD folks.
Sandy, I would love for you to be my guest on Help From My Friends Friday. 🙂
Hi, Sandy! And thanks, Donnell, for having me. And that’s no girl! That’s a serious as snot, went to Quantico trained special agent. She knows how to use that thing. She’s in her 30s, but – dang – she does have nice hair. Bet she doesn’t miss her hairstylist as much as I do though.
Andree, would love for her to weigh in today if she would! Wowza. And I feel both your pain about hair!
Got another cool photo that I just posted on the DEA STL Twitter account: https://twitter.com/deastlouisdiv/status/1251236481789759488?s=21. That’s our guys serving a search warrant during COVID-19.
Aj, Thanks for your post! LOL re: “start a Twitter war with the FBI.” Yes?! At least that’d be good for some conflict in a novel 🙂 You certainly have a challenging job! BTW, I’d love to interview you for deep background for my new novel series. I’m talking to women who served in the military. Let me know if that interests you. Thanks!
Hi Andree,
Thanks so much for sharing your experience! I have a question for my book. I don’t know if you would be allowed to answer this, so no problem if you can’t. I have an undercover DEA agent in my book. She gets arrested by the local Sheriff’s deputy. Would she tell them she’s undercover or is there a protocol for something like this? Thanks and by the way, love the pups! Thanks for sharing their pictures. 🙂
@Beth – I can always talk about the military! At least I know my bounds there. Still trying to figure out what we can and can’t talk about on the DEA side. Please email me at my author address, aj @ ajbrower.com (without the space, of course) and ask away!
@Kathleen – I’m going to speculate because I don’t know the exact answer, but we only need it to be in the realm of possibility, right? I will presume she is undercover in the U.S. because I’m sure the rules are different overseas. Her group supervisor (GS) would know she’s undercover and I’m guessing there’s a phone number they would call in such a situation. [I notice that when I call one of our agents, they NEVER say their names when they answer. That’s because they do have aliases. Probably good practice in case they forget which phone they’re answering!] I know in the Air Force we had a distress word and a distress pin for our badges to enter secured areas. I would presume our agents have some similar known distress information. Of course, if you don’t want her to get help, just don’t let her have a phone call. Hope that helps!
Love hearing from two of my favorite people. Andree (though I’d rather call you AJ), I’ve started going through the notes and sources you sent me on DEA operations as I plot my next cozy. There are so many possibilities there. Readers, if you haven’t checked out the sources she provides in this blog, I suggest you do so. Information is her bag.
I love it, AJ! Has your cat been practicing her typing skills? Or his if it’s a male.
Interesting post about what you do. I’m sure it’s sometimes fun and sometimes not fun.
Good luck with your teleworking. Take care.
Neat article and pics, AJ. How come the DEA can’t Zoom? There are huge security measures in place on Zoom for hospitals that need the HIPA security… I would think not conferencing in some way would seriously tie your agency’s hands. Good luck with Twitter- you’re a brave soul. I can’t bear going on there! 😉
Thank you so much for the information Andree! I really appreciate it. Take care! 🙂
@Sarah – The DEA does have teleconferencing lines and we are allowed to use Zoom with external groups. The main reason any organization that has restricted information doesn’t use just any software is because too much of it isn’t secure enough. For instance, I have never used the most current Microsoft software at my job. Takes so long to make sure the code doesn’t contain malware or other security concerns that a new version of the software has usually come out!
Thanks, Donnell, for having me!
My pleasure, Andree! Please come back and blog again. 🙂
Hello Andree, I can’t say how much we need you and your team to take care of us, all the time. Hey, the corona virus may be overwhelming our lives right now, but those bad guys will never stop what they do. So thank you and all your compadres, for maintaining the protections we need against all the bad guys, who will never stop. Thanks to you and all our first responders, of another kind….
So say me from a hot spot of another kind…
Stephanie
Loved this write up. Andree, you have a great sense of humor. I love the dogs just hanging out. I have had the opportunity to see a few drug dogs in action (and, no, not just at the airport). We had a woman who trained drug dogs bring one of her dogs to our Mystery Writers of America meeting in Denver. She came in with several different vials and baggies, etc. that had many years before held cocaine. They looked emptied and clean. Then she brought the dog into the room. The dog stopped in place, then she let the dog off the leash and said find. That do found all five hidden items (some buried deep) within a minute. Amazing!
The other time was dropping a daughter off at LaCrosse camp at the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs. There were some teenage boys next to us who were goofing around. Cute kids, maybe freshmen or sophmores in high school. This dog came by and circled the boys then sat down right next to one of their backpacks. They were like, hey good dog. One of the kids said, “Hey, he looks like he likes you so-and-so.” What they didn’t know is that the drug dogs don’t bark or get aggressive. When they smell drugs (in this case marijuana), they sit down next to where the drugs are hidden. Poor young lads were sent home from LaCrosse camp, parents called, etc. Not sure if they were charged. Likely not, but things clearly hadn’t gone as planned.
Thanks for your insights in to what a Public Information Officer does. Very interesting.