Stephen E. Pease is my good friend, who not only is a delightful human being, he’s an licensed private investigator. I was shocked to learn real private eyes don’t wear fedoras. Want to know more? Read on. ~ Donnell
Private Eyes Are Not Real Private Investigators
by: Stephen E. Pease
You have a dilemma when writing fiction. True, there are many dilemmas regarding fiction, but the one I’m talking about concerns “stock characters” like doctors, lawyers, cops and private eyes. Thanks to television and movie cliche’s, readers, editors and publishers have an idea what a private eye is, and it’s wrong, or at least not of the current-day profession.
What comes to mind about the movie/TV Private Eye?
- Guns, lots of guns, .38 snub nose revolvers, .45 automatics, endless ammunition except when the plot demands a little Oh Shit.
- Action and violence, car chases, fist fights, solving crimes, finding clues, always the lone Private Eye, Raymond Chandler’s Knight (“The Simple Art of Murder”).
- Single-car and single-person moving and stationary surveillance never fails and the PI is never burned, and surveillance always uncovers something critical.
- Loose ethics: picking locks, peeping/snooping thru Venetian blinds, breaking and entering, planting or stealing evidence at crime scenes, lying (pretexting), secret recordings/cameras.
- No business pressures, occasional complaints about the rent maybe, but no insurance bills, income and self-employment taxes or license renewals.
- Trench coats, fedoras, shoulder holsters, badges, a five o’clock shadow by noon.
- Frumpy, slept-in clothes, or tuxedos and flashy cocktail dresses.
- “Digging up dirt”, leaning on people”, knows the criminal classes, distrusted by the police department, but has a special friend in the PD who gives him access to criminal case records and evolving crime scene evidence.
- Sexy nightclub singer girlfriends or no BF/GF at all, sassy secretaries, dumb sidekicks (called “Watsons”).
- They work anywhere in the US without worrying about State licensing.
- Bourbon and cigarettes, maybe champagne. TV PIs never seem to eat.
That’s the safe, expected character publishers, agents and 
editors want to see in your novel. A lot of readers too. I think you can write to these cliche’s while building your characters on the real world. And, I submit, there are many plot possibilities in the real world of the Private Investigator.
Let’s start with truth in advertising:
- OK, I have a Smith & Wesson 38 snubbie, because I just had to have one. Don’t have a 45. Sometimes I carry a small Beretta 22 with an extra magazine, a 1.5 million volt stunner and police-level pepper spray. So far, they’ve stayed in my every-day bag. In a pickle, I’d reach for the pepper spray first. Non-lethal is good.
- Never chased a car except when screwing up a single-car moving surveillance, no fights or violence, never worked a crime scene or solved a crime, will sub-contract to another PI if that is more efficient. Mostly civil cases, criminal defense, or VERY personal issues.
- Single-car or single-person surveillance is very tough. I did single-person twice in 2019 (followed a lawyer to see who he was drinking with after work. (Was a mixed group of friends, not a GF), another to see if a manager really was bowling after work – (he was). I’m batting a thousand – may stop there. The FBI may use FIVE Special Agents to follow ONE person.
- Colorado Licensed PIs follow the same strict Code of Ethics that Colorado licensed lawyers do – ie truth and justice. I don’t violate laws, commit burglary, stalking, harassment, crime scene or audio/video recording laws (which vary a little State to State – where does your PI work?).
- I pay rent, taxes, license fees and several types of insurance like any small businessman. There is never a free lunch.
- I have a trench coat, in the closet, I’m often frumpy, no tux – I always try to blend in, to be unnoticed. Badges – in short, PIs don’t carry badges in most (not all) States. State law makes it clear: Private Investigators are private citizens and NOT law enforcement, with NO LE privileges whatsoever.
- I find verified facts, objectively documented to trial evidence standards. I don’t push people, don’t know career criminals, don’t know anyone in the police department of sheriff’s office. I know a coroner – she’s more fun!
- Crime records outside of court are LEO, Law Enforcement Only. A Police Officer sneaking LEO crime data to me could get fired and I could lose my license.
- My wife won’t let me have a sexy nightclub singer girlfriend.
- I am in a “single proprietor business”, so no sassy secretary or dumb sidekick. Many PI agencies are 1-2 person shops. Larger agencies typically do a lot of surveillance and may have six to ten employees, not all are full time and some probably are independent contractors. There are a few large multi-city, multi-State and even multi-Nation PI firms. I am a Colorado LLC.
- My PI license (PI2.579) is good ONLY in Colorado. Some PIs hold licenses in a cluster of neighboring States.
- I don’t smoke. I have a collection of 20+ better-than-average bottles of bourbon, scotch and Irish whisky. None are at the office. Most are years old and still are more than half full. Several are unopened. More likely are strong coffee, tea and sometimes beer.
About the Author: Stephen E. Pease is a Colorado Licensed Private Investigator, Lic PI2-579. He also writes mysteries and other fiction as Michael Chandos, mostly short stories. See “The Happy Ending” in the current issue of The Dark City, an online mystery/dark fiction magazine.
Stephen also teaches writing courses, including Writing the PI and on Writing the Intelligence Officer, and has been a much sought after instructor for RWA’s Kiss of Death Chapter. To learn more: https://glasskeyinvestigations.com/
Enjoyed this post, Steve! Very informative. I liked that your wife won’t let you have a sexy nightclub singer girlfriend. lol Thanks for posting to your blog, Donnell!
Good stuff to know – thanks for enlightening us.
Great post. As a lawyer, I absolutely hate it when cops, lawyers and PIs in books and movies act illegally in the name of solving the case. I’m happy that real life is not like that- or maybe I am naive in some ways as I am sure there are bad apples in every bunch.
I enjoyed your compare/contrast reality v. fiction here.
This was a fun read. Thank you Stephen and Donnell for sharing! 🙂
Fun to get to know Steve! Thanks, Donnell!
Great information presented in an entertaining style. Thanks!
Great post, Steve. It drives me crazy when P.I. characters in books or TV break the law repeatedly. I’m watching old Magnum episodes right now and I swear he lockpicks or shoots his way to every solution! (but I love the Hawaii scenery)
Thanks. This is so interesting. Love the comparisons. I knew a PI in Jersey. He spent most of this time on a computer doing work and back ground checks on people.
Thanks everyone. If you have specific questions and plot/character questions about PIs, let Donnell know.
Fun post! Sorry you can’t have a sexy nightclub singer girlfriend. 😉
Thank you, Steve, and thank you to those who commented on this topic. I have a question for Steve that I don’t think is covered in his sensational list of can and cannots. Is there ever a time you would refuse a case because you’re too close to a client, e.g. relative, old flame, etc. Thank you again!
Nothing except common sense prevents you from working for someone you know, friend, relative, whatever. You might discover something about them you didn’t know and that they keep hidden from others. In the free consultation that begins every case, we discuss that possibility and the friend/relative must satisfy me that they know and accept that possibility. And that I Will Not tell anyone else.
Do I refuse cases? Yes. The client’s motive is key. I find people but I won’t tell you where they are because they may not be the lost love you indicated, but actually are the HATED lost love and you want to kill them. Reference the Rebecca Schaeffer case. A PI was hired to find her address, he gave it to the client who went to her house and shot her. If I find someone, I will already have your Signed Permission to give them your contact info – they will decide to contact you, or not. I won’t drop hints where they are, not the State or even the country.
The motivation, honesty, hinkyness of the client can cause me to not take their case. I’ve done a locate for a cocaine dealer, well, a reformed dealer, and she paid me in cash.
Fascinating article. Although I’m disappointed Steve doesn’t have a single Hawaiian shirt in his closet. 😉 I guess he wouldn’t blend in unless he was following a frat boy. Thanks, Steve and Donnell!
I love this! Thanks, Donnell and Stephen!