Years ago, I met today’s guest and his wife in Tucson where I learned he was a writer like me. When I discovered he’d published a book of personal essays, I wanted to know more and invited him to my blog. One of my favorite writing quotes is, “I write to know how I feel.” Len Kuntz epitomizes the phrase. Moreover, he does it with a refreshing honesty that epitomizes the word, “Writer.” Welcome, Len. ~ Donnell
An Audience of One
By Len Kuntz
Author Len Kuntz
I have an audience of one. Just me. And that’s okay.
After college, while clerking at a law firm in Seattle, I lived in a house with three other guys. One of those often came home late, looked sheepish and beaten. Literally beaten. When we pried out of him what had happened—that his girlfriend had physically abused him—I was flummoxed. Why let her hit you? You’re bigger, stronger. I am of the rule that a man should never lay hands on a woman, but in this case, I thought—Why not at least defend yourself?
That troubling situation sat with me for many years, long after our rag-tag group had disbanded and I was working in the corporate world.
Then one day, something stirred in me and I started a novel (“Clean White Pieces”) and finished it in all of two week’s time. The story was about a man named Avery, whose best friends are two parakeets named Mac and Cheese, and whose wife, Ruth, habitually beats him. It was a gritty tale, to be sure, and poorly written, as I’ve come to learn, in hindsight. But on vacation in Mexico one time, my wife asked to read it and after finishing the manuscript, she turned to me and said, “Well, that was really disturbing. Who is your target audience for something like that?”
Her appraisal was fair enough, though the question stumped me. I just wrote something that had been rousing inside me since my late teens—the notion of a man allowing himself to be abused, repeatedly, by someone physically weaker. I had not thought about a target audience at all. It was a story—however poorly written—that I felt wanted to be told, though those pages now sit in a manila folder on the shelf behind me, here in my office.
Similarly, when I wrote the pieces for my new book, THIS IS ME, BEING BRAVE, I did so for myself. In a way, it felt like journaling, something I often do on my blog. It felt cathartic to write down my flaws (of which I have far too many), my fears (again, too many), my curiosities and such. The bulk of what appears in the book have been published at a fabulous online magazine called GHOST PARACHUTE.
There is not a lot of music in the pieces, meaning that the language is pretty straightforward, lacking the sonics I usually employ when writing poetry or fiction. Each is just me talking to me about an issue, or problem, that’s lurking inside my head, for whatever reason. The subject matter in the book is both ubiquitous and common—death, friendship, love, loss, loneliness. I wrote about those things, and more, because they have importance to me and not because I profess to understand them better than anyone. I wrote about them because I was trying to make better sense of them. I didn’t expect anyone to relate to my turbulent childhood and feelings of alienation, my petty jealousies or struggles with addiction. Thus, it was a surprise to find that others said they deeply connected with many of the topics. In fact, the bulk of the pieces in the book have garnered far and away more positive reaction than any of the other 1,000 pieces of poetry and fiction I’ve had published.
For me, writing has mostly always been a way of coping with demons, or the troubles that seemingly want to control and overwhelm me. When some people are anxious, they put a comedy on the television. When some people are frustrated or angry, they might go for a run or punch a speed bag. When I am those things, or more, I write. Sometimes I write and afterward delete what I’ve written, even if it took me ample time to compose. Even so, I almost always feel better for having written out my angst or confusion.
I’ve always wanted to be a writer and, luckily, now I am. But it’s never much mattered to me whether someone else “gets” what I’m trying to convey. Naturally, I appreciate it very much if they do, but when I write, it’s merely an expression of what’s top-of-the-moment to me. It’s a release, a letting go of burden, and things typically make more sense afterward.
I realize I’m never going to be an acclaimed author. Combined, all four of my previous books maybe sold a total of 500 copies. But that doesn’t matter. I just write what’s in my head or heart at the moment, and if someone connects with that, I’m thrilled. If they don’t, I just turn the page, start a new story, and sometimes I sigh.
About the Book:
What does it mean to be fully present in the moment?
What does it mean to grieve?
What does it mean to confront your failings?
Or to love like it’s the only love you’ll ever have?
In THIS IS ME, BEING BRAVE, Len Kuntz addresses these issues and dozens more by splaying himself wide open for the reader.
Full of wisdom and humanity, deeply personal and universally relevant, Kuntz turns bravery on its very head.
And defies you not to be moved.
About the Author: Len Kuntz is a writer from Washington State and the author of five books, most recently the personal essay collection, THIS IS ME, BEING BRAVE, out now from Everytime Press. You can find more of his writing at http://lenkuntz.blogspot.com
Len, thanks for being my guest today. As you might guess, I love quotes. One I agree with is many writers don’t particularly enjoy “writing.” They enjoy “having written.” Many do it for the accolades, or consider it grueling while doing so. You have a writing passion for writing’s sake. It shows in your voice, and I suspect you have an audience that far exceeds one. Thank you!!!
I admire your bravery in publishing. Putting yourself out there is hard. Sharing intimate personal essays is hard, too. Writing for writing’s sake like Donnell said is important too.
Thanks for weighing in, Vicki. Len writes that he realizes he’ll never be an acclaimed author. Think I’ll throw in another quote that a former critique partner liked to say to me, “Do you know or do you think you know?” 🙂 I “thought” a lot and never actually knew anything for certain.
Good Morning Len
I will have to admit, I haven’t even looked at your latest book! Previously, I have read some & then,knowing some of your growing up years were terrible,I feel so bad!! It comes out in a lot of your writings! Being your Mother-In-Love I have a deep love for you! I chose to read this today, at a urging from God,to read all that was written! Very interesting! Loved it! I like that you will be maybe be writing more positive items ! I will be picking up your new est book soon! Love Mom Elaine ?
This is a great insight into a person’s creative process (or part of it). Writing can be a safety valve for many of us, and I think Len Kuntz expresses that fact well in this post.
Paul Lamb, I love your analogy about writing. … A safety valve for many of us. Well said. Thanks for dropping by.
An intrigueing blog. I’m looking forward to spending more time with Len.
Len, you are the most fearless writer I know. You would have to write for yourself to write what you do and the rest of us writers are all the better for being your readers.